​I know, I know, you think the title of this blog is a joke, but far from it. I found this absolute gem of a post in a local neighborhood forum (identity and contact info omitted for privacy):

This post beautifully illustrates what writers hate the most: people who feel they "have a book inside of them" and are looking for a pro to help them write it.

You can gauge the work's (no, WORK'S) importance by the range of years this masterpiece will cover—anywhere between the next 10 and 100, to be precise—and the urgency the poster feels pondering his own mortality. 

You should ghostwrite this New Bible for the Ages for free, of course—because the sheer weight (or better, TONNAGE, why be shy about it) of the EARTH-SHAKING significance of the message conveyed surely must be a labor of love for anyone with an open heart and mind.

What?! This is meaningless drivel, you say? Not worth writing down? And professional writers don't work for free?

Well, it's obvious that you belong to the uncaring, unaware, still-asleep part of humanity that is not Spiritually Evolved enough (yet—there's always hope, brother) to realize that All of Mankind MUST hear this message. 

Its magical simplicity and deep levels of meaning will touch the SOUL of every Star/Indigo Child and Lightworker on this Planet (or others). It will ignite the genuine love/kindness, compassion, and forgiveness in the Chakras of the Messengers of the PARADIGM SHIFT and will bring about the long yearned-for World Peace that Lord Jesus Sananda, the leader of the Galactic Federation, prophesied many years ago.

I'll leave you writers who have a Conscience and a Soul with this Heart-Felt appeal: Text me if you're willing to take on this COSMICALLY important task on a pro-bono basis; I'll be happy to connect you with your future employer.

​(To be fair, the picture above is not a headshot of the poster. I just googled "pothead.")

I’ve never owned a haunted object, as far as I can tell. But I heard and read a lot about those, especially haunted dolls. (Check out Robert the Haunted Doll.)

I did have one creepy (but not necessarily supernatural) experience about ten years ago. My husband and I were house hunting, and the real estate agent showed us an old farmhouse built in the 1870s.

When you stepped in the front door, you were immediately in the kitchen. From there, it got only weirder: the whole house was like a maze, with strange twists and turns some of which would lead nowhere, i.e., would end at a closet door or something.

I decided right then and there that there was no way in hell that I would ever live in a house like this.

Then we went upstairs to see the master bedroom that was in the former attic, so the ceiling was gabled. When we opened the door, we saw a queen-size bed on the right wall of the room. At its foot stood a low, round dining table with five child-size chairs. The table was set with a full service of tea cups, saucers, and plates, and on each of the chairs sat a doll, dressed in old-fashioned garb.

That alone would have given me the chills. Who in the world would want something horrifying like this in their bedroom? It’s like sleeping with pictures of evil clowns on the walls.

But here’s the creepiest part: All the dolls’ faces were turned toward the door, as if we had interrupted their tea party.

(Answer to Quora question, June 6, 2018)

I dislike the term “Law of Attraction,” because it’s a construct that someone made up, but it’s not the whole truth. (Unfortunately, I still have to use the term because that’s the #1 keyword online for what I prefer to call “manifestation.”)

If the Law of Attraction really worked the way everybody claims it does, i.e., what you focus on most is what you attract, then naturally pessimistic, grumpy people should have the absolute worst lives. That is rarely true—unless you count the fact that they make their lives miserable by always expecting the worst.

In the same vein, people with phobias should be inundated with the very things they fear.

Arachnophobes should encounter spiders wherever they go; claustrophobes should get trapped in small spaces all the time; apiphobes should get stung by bees every day.

Because there is surely no doubt that these people think of nothing else but their phobias a large amount of their time.

So why don’t they attract all these horrible things they’re so afraid of?

Because the “Law of Attraction” doesn’t work like that. Yes, people do manifest unconsciously, but there are other factors in play, such as focus/concentration, visualization, longing, gratitude, etc.

How does it work exactly? I have no idea. I just know it does.

And I do know that you don’t have to be afraid if you have a bad day (or even a bad week or month) and feel all negative. If you suffer from depression and feel hopeless and down, you will not lose everything in your life because of your thoughts.

When I just said I have no idea how it works, that’s not entirely true. Let’s say I have a theory.
I believe that everyone of us has the innate ability to do magic. And I mean not the stage magic that’s pure illusion; I mean real, honest-to-God, fairytale magic.

Most people don’t know about this and therefore never learn to use their innate magic. So what happens in their lives is relatively random. These are the people with no firm goals and passions.

A second group also don’t believe in magic and don’t know how to manifest, but they are very focused on their life goals. They are extremely passionate and pursue their goals with dogged determination. They don’t know it, but to a degree they are manifesting, because manifestation takes willpower and focus. That’s why very successful, “self-made” people are also the ones who get a lot of “lucky breaks.”

The third group has the determination and the focus, and the knowledge on how to manifest properly. They are the ones who are able to take most of the randomness out of life, though they don’t always do it. (I myself often slide back because it’s very hard to constantly keep your focus.)

Of course, you think everyone would want to be in the third group. But there’s something to be said for oblivion. “Ignorance is bliss” is not a completely untrue statement.

Here’s the rub: there is a force in the universe (call it God, Great Spirit, Creator, or whatever you like) that, once you know how to use your magic and do so, will hold you accountable.

Once you know that everything happens for a reason and that you are at the center of your experiences and can influence them, more will be expected from you than from the “oblivious ones.” You will be judged by your intentions, not just your outcomes.

As Spiderman’s uncle said, “With great power comes great responsibility.”

​That’s why I don’t believe in the “Law of Attraction.” The world is actually much more mysterious than that.

Someone asked me on Quora how she (somehow I'm pretty sure it was a she) could tell whether she was descended from "angels, elementals, or starseed." 

Here's my answer.

Sorry to bust your chops, but I know these discussions all too well from when I lived in Sedona and was part of the huge New Age community there. But even then, the talk would get on my nerves.
In my not-so-humble opinion, tracing back your “heritage” to angels, elementals, or aliens is just a bunch of New Age woo-woo designed to make you feel special.
Once you “find out” via past-life regression or a psychic or channeler who engages in that kind of BS (and yes, if you pay people like that, they will happily tell you anything you want to hear), then you can loudly proclaim that you, Joanne Sixpack, are actually the love child of Lord Jesus Sananda from the 3rd planet from the left and leader of the Galactic Federation, and the Archangel Myriel, his celestial soulmate.
In my time in Sedona, I met at least five women who were Joan of Arc in a past life. Amazingly, no one ever came out of a regression or psychic reading saying they were a lowly peasant woman who didn’t do anything remarkable in her life. Gee, I wonder why.
Don’t get me wrong: I do believe in reincarnation, and not all psychics are frauds. I even worked as a professional Tarot reader for a while back in the day.
But I also know that there are tons of charlatans and frauds out there who are preying on gullible New Age disciples who are desperate to be “special.”
Claiming to be a descendant of angels, aliens, or fairies just serves to create an artificially inflated ego and a sense of entitlement based on nothing.
We already have too many people who demand special treatment and respect without bothering to earn any of it… there’s no need to make more of them.
Here’s an alternative: Instead of falling for this crap, just realize that you have been given this life to make something special out of it and yourself. It’s completely up to you.
I hope you seize each day and aim to do something special—whether that’s inspiring others through art or music… being a role model due to your winning personality and charisma… raising your kids to be wonderful adults… making someone’s day through random acts of kindness… or simply aspiring to become the best version of yourself that you can be.
A lot more boring than being a star child, I know, but ultimately a lot more fulfilling. 

I was recently asked on Quora whether anyone ever changed their appearance with the Law of Attraction. 

My answer: I did. 

When I was in my twenties, I lost 25 lbs. with the help of manifestation techniques… and in the process developed a self-esteem that I hadn’t had previously, even before I started shedding pounds.
Here’s how I did it and how you can too:

• Leave Post-Its for yourself all over the house, but most importantly on the bathroom mirror.
• At least twice a day, stand in front of the mirror and look yourself straight in the eyes. That alone weirds many people out, because while we look in the mirror for combing our hair, brushing our teeth, or checking up on our makeup/clothes, we rarely if ever look ourselves deeply in the eyes. Do it anyway—gaze into your own eyes like you would look at someone you love.
• As you do this, say the following: “I love myself unconditionally. I accept myself unconditionally. I am kind to myself.” This freaks out even more people because we’ve been trained not to love ourselves, but to be critical about our own appearance, character, and so forth, perpetually. However, to become more beautiful/handsome, you need to love yourself. These three sentences are absolutely essential. Later on, once they’ve completely sunk in, you can add more, like, “I like to eat food that’s good for me. I am trim and healthy.” And so on. But don’t overload on affirmations; keep it simple and easy to memorize.
• Every morning when you’re still in that half-asleep/half-awake state, and every night before falling asleep, do a short visualization. Imagine you’re lying in a small row boat floating down a gentle river. The waves softly rock the boat; it feels like when you were a small child being rocked by your mother.
• The boat slowly drifts toward the shore, where you see a beautiful woman (if you’re a woman; if you’re a man, you’ll see a man) standing and waiting for you. She has a perfectly shaped body and is the epitome of youth, beauty, and health. As the boat drifts closer to her, you see that the woman is you—the ideal you. You get out of the boat and step toward the other you… and then step “into” her and merge with her.
• Now you feel what it’s like to BE in that perfect, healthy body. Feel the slimness of your waist, the suppleness of your skin, the muscles in your arms and thighs. Experience what it feels like to be slender and radiantly healthy and beautiful. Breathe deeply and enjoy this exhilarating sensation. Feel the soft breeze on your youthful skin and hair, feel the warm sun on your face. Really get into the feeling so deeply that your heart feels like bursting from contentment and happiness.
• Then slowly come back to reality.
• Do this for at least 21 days in a row. If you miss one day, the 21 days start over. One of the absolutely miraculous things that will happen is that—long before you start shedding the pounds, and you will—your entire personality will change, simply because of the intense feeling of well-being you’ll experience. I felt better about myself than ever before, even though I hadn’t lost any weight yet, and I had people (men and women) come up to me and tell me that I was one of the most radiant, sensual women they’d ever seen. Pretty darn amazing.

So try it for yourself. You’ll be absolutely amazed about the results. Keep in mind, though, that the visualization part has to be done with a great deal of emotion and involving all five senses to make the experience as real as possible.